Defiance

A hole
Depression
Buried in my soul
I run away
Peace and happiness for a while
But eventually things settle
And everything comes flooding back
I cannot drown you out forever

When will you go away
So the wounds can begin to heal
Everything is wonderful
Then you rear your ugly head
And it all seems so unreal

I love her
And like a smack
to the face
You laugh inside my head
And tell me
I do not belong
Alive among the human race
And she’ll never love you back

Why does this time of year bring you around
The happiness and joy
Reflected on everyone’s face
Mocks the emptiness in my heart
And the chill I can’t burn away

Try as I might I cannot forget you
Cannot forget
Events of my past
Cannot outrun
The truth of what has been done

I do not know
How to be happy
How to love
Or how to move on
I never learned
Because you struck me far to young

I use the ones around me
Trying to find a way to crawl out
I end up hurting
Everyone that tried to help
I wish you wouldn’t shout

To much ruckus inside my brain
I wish you would all shut up
Why can you all not see
Leave me be
Let me focus on the pain
I cannot let this go without facing it
I need to learn to rely on me

I’m not asking you to leave
I’m asking you to let me be
Let me learn
To do in on my own
To live this life
And reap the seeds I’ve sown

I need to learn to love
I need to learn to live
I need to learn to forgive
And then maybe I can forget
And she doesn’t even know it happened

Maybe that’s what’s holding me back
My never ending fear
Of the what would happen
Would you even believe me if I told you
And what would you do then?
It would break you

I must do this on my own
Live with my regrets
I will love her
And be happy
There’s nothing you can do
I’m not running any longer
This is me defying you