On The Inside

Out here you see

A normal girl

But in my head

The turmoil swirls

So many thoughts

A whole other world

The who's and what's

The how's and why's

An inkling of

A brilliant mind

Then gone....

Off and running

The next charade

I march alone

An endless parade

The brilliant make-up

The perfect hair

But deep inside

What's really there

Or not so perfect

Wrinkled clothes

No make-up

Maybe kinda slow

But deep inside

You never know

Myself

I have to live with myself, and so

I want to be fit for myself to know

I want to be able, as days go by

Always to look myself straight in the eye

I don't want to stand, with the setting sun

And hate myself for things I've done

I want to go out with my head erect

I want to have my self respect

For here in the struggle for fame and self

I want to be able to like myself

I don't want to look at myself and know

I'm bluster, a bluff and an empty show

I never can hide myself from me

I see what others may never see

I know what others may never know

I can never fool myself, and so

Whatever happens, I want to be

Self respecting and conscience-free

Just In Case You Wondered

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I'm young in all the ways that draw attention, speculation and judgment but not in the ways that matter. I'm sure you know of my past. I don't know if you were given the gory details or a sugar-coated version but I was forced into adulthood early. I love my friends to death but there are times when I can't even fathom what they are talking about. It's so trivial to me. She is never trivial. She...excites me mentally, I don't feel like I need to prove I'm not a child to her, she never talks to me as though I'm not on the level, yet at the same time she's showing me how to have fun. I love her like I never thought I would be able to love anyone and no matter what happens I'm for her until the day she says she doesn't want me anymore. So whether you approve of me or not, I don't care.

Drowning

I'm trying to run through quicksand

Only there's nothing for me to grab onto

You clamber over me climbing your way out

Slowly pushing me deeper

*

The more I struggle to stay afloat

The faster I sink

Through my panic and tears

I scream out your name

*

The only answer I recieve

Is laughter in my brain

As my plea echoes in the emptiness

I find that I'm alone

*

Sinking slowly in a pool of your fears

Saved and cherished

Through all the long nights

When I stayed up and held you tight

*

I shouldered all your burdens

In an attempt to set you free

So I sit and watch you smiling

While I'm drowning in your tears...