My story begins 9 months twelve days and sixteen hours ago, as I was walking to my car to meet up with the guys after the first football game of the season. I've got my helmet under my arm. That’s right, I play football. I'm the only girl to ever make the team in this Podunk town. That’s what got me screwed. Literally. I'm 6 feet and 200 pounds of muscle and sinew. I thought that throwing the winning touchdown of the opening game would earn me a measure of respect. I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
Still moving to fast for you? Let me go back a little farther. My name is Amanda Nicole Wright. Call me Amanda, Mandy, Nikki I really don't care. There are also some nastier names I've been called but I'll let you be creative. I was born in San Diego California. I was born to two people barely old enough to be parents, Nick and Izzy. A long forgotten football start and his cheer captain that decided to run away together. Summer before my sophomore year we moved back to their home town, (small town), Texas. I left my home, my frinds, and my love of two years. I exchanged it all for a football uniform.
So here I am. Two hours after giving birth to a beautiful baby boy that my family has unanimously decided to name Marshall Evan Wright. He looks just like his daddy, or so I assume because my father says he looks like no one in my family. When the nurse brings him in for me to see him for the first time I am hit by a sudden overwhelming wave of pure dread at the thought that I am about to hold a mini replica of my attacker. But as soon as the nurse lays him in my arms I can do nothing but fall in love with this blanket-wrapped, squirming bundle of flesh. My flesh. The baby opens his eyes and mine lock on. A sickening rush of relief floods through my system as I realize that they are not the eyes of the man I had believed to be my attacker for the last nine months. No I do not recognize these eyes. A deep emerald green with a ring of pure gold around the center. They are the eyes of a Celtic god. How something so purely beautiful could arise from something so demonic amazes me. Anyway, I’m healthy, the baby is healthy and with no unexpected complications I should be out of here in a few days with my baby safely in my arms.
My dad pulls up to the hospital doors where they have me sitting In a wheelchair with my baby in my arms. Stupid hospital policy. He’s managed to get the baby seat appropriately secured into the driver’s side rear seat, where I can see it and reach it if necessary. My mom has already claimed the seat next to the baby. As we pull into our driveway I realize that my entire family has been struck by a hardcore case of baby fever. Cars, trucks, and SUV’s line both sides of the street and are parked all over the yard. Tears prick my eyes at this show of support and as soon as I step out of the car I have to turn back and busy myself rearranging and unfastening the baby from his seat so that I can recompose myself. I hand Marshall to my dad to do the traditional “initial presentation”. As my dad announces his name and weight all the men cheer and come up to make comments on how healthy and hefty he looks. There was more than one, “yep that’s good Marshall football stock right there” comment.
As the guys all wander back to their beer and football my mom, aunts, cousins, and grandparents all usher me into the house and directly into a padded rocking chair that has been set where I can see everything going on but I’m out of the way. All the younger cousins want to hold the baby so they all take turns sitting in the rocking chair and holding him for a few seconds. I hand Marshall off to my cousin Nikki.
“Hey do you mind watching out for him for a little while? I need to take a bit of a nap and I know everyone is still not done oooohing and aaaaahing over him. His bassinet is right there just please watch the younger kids. If he starts crying you can come get me.”
“Yeah, it’s no problem. I’d love to be the first to baby sit little Marshall.” Nikki says with a grin.
“You’re a lifesaver Nik.”
I find myself wandering aimlessly through the house. Wandering into the nursery room, I take it all in. my family went insane in here. The walls are a soft baby blue with three bands of hand painted border going around at the top, middle and bottom of the wall. The bands are thanks to my aunt Judy, the painter. The border is a slightly darker blue with pink diamonds in it. The diamonds are alternating frogs and ducks with a pink background. The pink was my only stipulation in the room. The boy had to have some pink. The crib is solid cherry wood built by my nephew John. The blankets are a soft pastel yellow with frogs on them. They even got him frog slippers and a duck hooded bath towel. I smile as I realize that the frog and duck color scheme matches his eyes. As I walk through the rest of my house I have to chuckle at my own “mommy alert sense” that brought each sharp edge and protruding corner into sharp focus. My mom had already put the little clear plastic shock protectors into all the outlets and put baby locks on all the down-low cabinets. He wouldn’t be mobile for a while yet but I appreciated her sense of foresight. Sitting down on my bed a lump had formed in my throat. In a foggy daze in noticed my football shaped phone and reached for it. My fingers automatically dialed a number that had always been a failsafe when I needed someone to talk to in the past.
“Hello?”
The all too familiar voice dashed my reverie to bits.
“Look I don’t know who you are but unless you want the cops called on you don’t call my house again got it? I’m writing your number….oh my god Manda! Manda talk to me. Look I know it’s you. I could never forget your number. Manda please…” a panicked sense of desperation was creeping into her voice. My fingers had dialed the number of my girlfriend, Heather. We had just celebrated our fifth anniversary, and yes I mean five year anniversary, when I found out I was pregnant. I stopped taking her calls, ignored the emails, the texts, the IM’s, I even returned her letter unopened. I just couldn’t deal.
“Hi Heather,” I winced as she broke down into tears, each sob a well placed guilt driven punch, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. It’s a long story and one I don’t want to tell over the phone but I have a baby boy now, it’s not what you think though. Believe me, not my doing. I miss you so much.”
“I’ll be there Friday ok?” Heather was crying softly. “I still love you.”
“I never stopped loving you Heather. I just couldn’t deal. I love you. I’ll let me dad know you’re on your way.”
I fell into a deep sleep clinging tightly to the phone listening to her breathing even out on the other end. When I woke up my mom was stroking the hair away from my face.
“Have a good nap?”
“Yeah no dreams. Hey mom…”
“What Hun?”
“I um…I called Heather. She’s coming in Friday. I didn’t plan on doing it but I did.”
“Good, damn good. It’s about time the two of you got back on track. Should a get another room ready or….?” My mom asked with a smile.
“I think we should get one ready just in case. Or at least throw a mattress on the floor in here for me. She can sleep in my bed.” I was unceasingly amazed at how accepting my mom was. Any other mom would have freaked out to know that someone I hadn’t talked to in nine moths was coming to see me.
I floated through the next two days in a state of bliss. The family was amazing at balancing helpfulness with leaving Marshall and I enough time to bond. I had worried about my ability to change his diaper or get puked on without barfing but on the rare occasion that grams or mom or one of my aunts didn’t swoop him up, my mommy instincts just kicked in and got it done. When I went to bed on Thursday I had no intentions of going to sleep. I was going to pull an all-nighter to make sure I was awake when Heather got there. I was all cuddled up in my bed with one of my favorite books. The last time I looked at the clock it was 10:30.
Sometime in the night I was joined by a large, soft, warm presence as two arms slipped around me slowly and I was enveloped by a scent I hadn’t been able to get out of my nostrils for three years. I smiled and turned to look into the face of my one and only love, and broke into tears. I buried my face into her collar bone and wrapped my arms around her tight enough to break her. I turn my forehead into her neck as soft sobs rocked her body as well. I moved so that we were face to face on the bed and kissed her forehead.
“I’m so so so sorry….” she silenced me with a slow soft kiss.
“That can all wait until tomorrow. Lets just enjoy being together again ok?”
“OK” I smiled and pulled her tight against me as she kissing me again.
Soft knocking woke me up and I could see daylight glowing around the edges of my black out shades. I pulle d the blankets up over Heather to cover us and to try to muffle some noise.
“Come in but be quiet,” I called softly not wanting to wake Heather. She had made a two day drive in less than 36 hours. She must have driven straight through the night and broken every speed limit on the way.
“Hey I just wanted to let you all know that breakfast was going to be ready in about forty five minutes.”
“Ok Mrs. Wright,” I heard a muffled voice from behind me as fingers found my ticklish spot on my back, “as soon as Manda sees fit to stop trying to smother me we will be right down.”
I laughed and moved the blanket. “Good morning, I was just trying to muffle the noise so I wouldn’t wake you up.”
“Oh so planning to deprive me of breakfast were you?” Heather asked as she curled tighter around me laying an arm over my waist.
My mom cut in with a good hearted smile, “I’ll leave you two alone.” as my mom was about to leave the room she turned back and gave us a long look and smiled, “It’s good to have you back Heather.”
“Good to be back to Mrs. Wright.”
As my mom clicked the door shut Heather punched my arm lightly and then rolled me over and kissed me softly grinning.
“One for trying to smother me the other for trying to let me sleep.”
"Do you want to go eat?” I asked softly half hoping she would say no.
“We probably should darlin‘. Don’t need rumors my first night back.”
Grinning evilly I replied, “You know exactly what to say to avoid getting out of this bed.” Forty-five minutes later we were headed down stairs freshly showered and hand-in-hand.
“Hey guys look what I found in my bed this morning.” I held up my hand still linked with Heather’s. “Whose bright idea was it to let this in?” I smiled as everyone’s face lit up and we took our seats.
“Actually you still hide your key in the same place.” she giggled holding up my key. I laughed and secretly was glad I hadn’t moved it yet as I had planned to.
Just as I finished eating the baby started screaming. Heather looked at me with a slight tinge of fear in her eyes. I smiled and held out my hand leading her down the hall to the nursery. Leaning into the crib and picking up little Marshal I turned and handed him carefully to Heather, who held him as if he would shatter if she breathed to hard. I couldn’t help smiling at the light in her eyes. I wrapped one arm around her waist and stroked Marshall’s forehead softly with a finger.
Looking at Heather I whispered softly “Marshall, meet your Mommy.”
Heather looked up at me tears in her eyes. She didn’t say a word. But then again she didn’t have to. I smiled back at her and kissed her forehead softly. I knew that I would never let her get away again.
