Lay it out

I don't know

The words to tell you

What's in my heart

What's going on in my head

Well

Maybe that's a lie

Maybe I do know

Maybe the truth is that

I'm to scared to lay it all out

I don't know how to tell you

The last person who lit up my life

The way you do each time you smile

Who could make me tremble

The way you do

With even the most innocent touch

Who made my knees so weak

It took every ounce of will to stay upright

With nothing but a look

Well

She played the part well

But when she realized

That to me it was more than a game

She took every part of that secret place

Inside my head

Inside my heart

And she turned the soil with ash and salt

She took the fire that burned in me for her

And with it laid waste to my soul

It took a long time to put out the flames

And even longer to learn how to heal

To let free enough tears

To wash away the salt

The pain of the stinging wounds

Was nearly more than my spirit's might

But I got through it

I put up walls around this part of me

So high and so thick

Most never know it's there

But when that wall comes crashing away

And I'm able to take shelter in love

There's nearly nothing I wouldn't do

For the one who calls me Hers

Well

If we're being honest

I'd do anything for you.

I know you'd never cause me harm

I know you'd do everything you could

To keep me from being in pain

For you

Or at all

Which only makes me more willing

That's the most beautiful part

Besides your eyes that is

Although

Since I'm being honest

I'm not even sure what color they are

Because every time our eyes meet

My brain ceases all non vital function

Sometimes I even forget to breathe

And you don't see it

You don't see why

You've gone so long

Being everybody's rock

You don't know

How to let yourself be cared for

But you deserve it

Everything I can give you

And so so much more

Anything you want of me

Is yours

All you have you do is ask

I'll meet you at your comfort

Wherever the boundary lays

I hate getting my ears wet

A scar left of my childhood

But for you I'd dive to any depth

Or we can have a never ending

Splash fight

In the wading pool like grown up little kids

Show me the line in the sand

Lay it out in front of me

So I know where I stand

I don't dare to let myself hope

That I'll ever get a chance

To kiss your perfect lips

Or hold you in my arms all night

I'm terrified that if you read this

All our fun would end

I'm afraid you'd pull away from me

Thinking you were saving me pain

But I treasure every second

No matter how it spends

I truly feel it's safe to say

I'm the happiest I've ever been

No matter how much

I may long to be your lover

You'll never find a more loyal friend
I only aim to be respectful
So when it seems like I'm holding back
I'm waiting for you to show me the line

Boundaries

I wish I could make you understand

That what I feel is free

My love for you is true

But I know some things will never be

I'll do my best

And hold my ground

But I'll never cross that line

Platonic soulmates are sometimes found

So while I look at you with longing

I know just where I stand

As close as any lover

But I may not ever hold your hand

Sometimes this might hurt

But mostly I feel joy

For I know that no matter what

With my heart you'll never toy

For You

I dreamt of you

Long before we met

My past relationships,

I thought I'd found you

The one from my dreams

But they were not true

They were not you

And you are Her

I recognize your scent

My nose connects the memories

The dreams and the reality

The smell of peace and home

I remember the way Her hands

Felt on my skin

My heart beats faster

Each time you reach out

Is it my eagerness

Or your own fear that stops you?

I look at you, longing but fearful

I want so many things

To run my fingers through your hair

To feel the silkiness of your skin

I know what I'll find

But I'm afraid to try

If only you'd realize

I'm truly for You

Home

Home

The place where the stress

And trials of the day

Fall from your shoulders

When you've been searching

For your whole life

To find peace

To find home

The place where you leave

Your worries at the door

Walk into open arms

And loving hearts

Treading lightly

Not from fear

But from respect

Mutually held

For countless miles

My legs have carried me

But now I can rest

Safely at home

Walk on

Broken

Bruised and bloodied

Barely hanging on

To the shredded fabric of my sanity

Clumsily trying to pickup

The shattered pieces of my life

Only to cut myself on fragments

Of my self image

Every sharp edged word

Sticky founts of my self worth

Pour forth to stain the ground

Another mess I've made

Another reason to hate myself

Each time the fragments hit the ground

Slipping from my slickened grip

Tiny shards

To small to grasp

I walk on

Collecting these sharp slivers in my feet

Leaving footprints of red rimmed in black

The blackness that creeps out

Every once in a while

When it's gone to far for me to pull back

When the world seems to spin to fast

And suddenly stop

Throwing me to my knees

In a puddle of my own tears

Yet again I stand tall

Another day will come

A better day will come

So I sling my broken bits

Into this sack of skin

And once again walk on

Longing

Longing

For the musical beats

Of your tiny feet

Dancing in my arms

Longing

For the sweetest taste

Of your soft lips

Pressed against mine

Longing

For the warmest touch

Of your gentle hands

On my lonely skin

Longing

For the joyful notes

Of your belly laugh

Doing cartwheels through my ears

Longing

For your gaze to lock with mine

Will those peircing eyes

Finally see the real me

Longing

For every part of you

An ache that is felt

With every sense I possess

Waiting

Waiting

Wondering when the tide will turn my way

Wondering if my ship is even seaworthy

Days turn to weeks

Each second an eternity

Waiting

Wondering when my heart decided on you

Wondering if we can be saved

Weeks turn to months

Each breath draws harder

Waiting

Wondering if you know or care

Wondering if you're coming back for me

Years I've been stranded

An island with a population of one

Waiting

Wondering does the tide bring love or doom

Wondering if this tide finally brings you

I've waited so long to give you this heart

That belongs to you yet beats in my chest

Waiting

Wondering if you might accept me now

Wondering if I'll measure up

To late I realize my foolishness

I've lost you in those years I spent

Waiting

The scents of home

Deep breaths 

Lungfuls of happiness

Aromas, so fresh yet familiar

The scents of comfort

Sage, burned and wafted

Into every corner

Protecting our space from chaos

Books, old and new

Musty worn pages or fresh ink

The smell of history

Of the knowledge we both hold so dear

Leather, worn but well polished

The smell of good boots

And even better sex

Treasured possessions

Apples, sweet and crisp

A tart explosion

Followed by juice so sweet

Like you

So when the world

Becomes to much

I stop and take deep breaths

And fill my lungs with happiness

Comfortable Silence

 I've found that the term "comfortable silence" is almost dead in my generation and the following ones. There seems to be an extreme shortage of people who understand the joys of just being around someone that cares for you, and that you care for. It irritates me to the point of just not wanting to be around anyone when people feel the need to chatter about random, inconsequential things just to fill the silence. I personally don't care HOW big Becky's butt is. If Becky is happy with her butt then of what importance is it to me, and if she's not happy with her butt well then maybe I can share some tips or support with her but it's not my place to confront her and offer it to her. Absolutely not at all. If Stacy and Jim want to date Bobby or Bonnie as well as each other, well fan-freaking-tastic for them, I hope they're happy in their little love bundle.
        
          There are people who would, and do, blast me because I don't like to watch the new and, most often, I don't read the newspaper either. It's not that I don't care what's going on in the world, or that I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that life is sunshine and rainbows, because I know it's not. All to often the reeking gruesome beast that is the society we live in bursts right through my proverbial front door and vomits it's fuckery all over my life, and the lives of those close to me. However, said bursts have only served to make me appreciate the quiet times, the times spent laying with my best friend while she watched TV or played a game and I read my book or surfed the web, and the times I have alone pondering everything from the meaning of life to what I want for supper, and the times spent with family both by blood and by bond drunkenly playing board games, or watching a movie, or even babysitting my annoying nieces and nephews. I've even learned to appreciate heartbreak. Every broken heart I've ever had has taught me something, and I'm not referring to bitterness, or jealousy, or hatred. For example, I have come to the point where I am actually thankful for the agony that my most recent relationship put me through. She taught me patience, that if it is worth having, it is truly worth waiting for. The hottest fires burn the quickest, and if you can't find fuel fast enough, they die. That isn't saying that feeling fire for someone is a bad thing, but fire is not all that is required. Love requires friendship, trust, respect, and lots and lots of hard work.

          I have a challenge for anyone that might read this. I challenge you to enjoy a comfortable silence, to sit back, watch the wind blow in the trees, watch waves break on the sand, stare out over whatever land or cityscape might be afforded to you at the time being, let your mind wander even if the direction is heads in is scary or unpleasant, chances are if that's where your mind is drawn, then there is unresolved business there. Grab your closest friend, or maybe a stranger, and just sit down with a cup of coffee and talk about something you both enjoy, go try something you've never tried before. Turn off the news, shut out the voices telling you that you "can't" do something, and go try. Go live.

Inspired

Inside my head and heart

New found hope found on my Path

Sweetest dreams sneaking through

Playing with words lets me organize

Individual thoughts and plans

Reaching for things I never thought I could

Educating myself in matters of my mind, body, and heart

Dedicated to bettering myself

Worship You

I want to comfort you
After a long hard day
To rub the aches from your back and feet
Feel you relax under my touch

I want to honor you
Become the best possible version of myself
Accomplish things I never imagined I could
Watch your face light up with pride

I want to serve you
Do the chores that irritate you most
So that when you walk in the door
You are met with loyal dedication

I want to protect you
When the world is at it’s cruelest
I will stand by your side and watch you back
You will never be alone again

I want to love you
To hold you close and prove
You’re everything I ever wanted
And so much more

I want to worship you
Trace every curve and pattern of your body
With only my lips
Committing your taste to memory

I want to be yours
My heart beats for you
My mind constantly distracted by thoughts of you
My soul pining for the moment we come together again

Primal Reality

You leave me with a tenuous grip on reality
Clutching at mere threads of shredded sanity
Play your haunting song of strings
Teasing,taunting, tickling base responses
From the deepest parts of my mind
The parts that long to howl at the moon
Running swiftly through the shadows of my soul
Hungry and hunting the truth in the song
Wrestling with tantalizing tidbits
Scraps of fantasy sweeter than honeysuckle breezes
Thirsting for a taste of truth
Awash with the raging heat of frustrated desires
Ripples in my skin like rain on a lake
Rising ravaging rampaging through my thoughts
Chasing trails of nuclear passion
Until panting and spent I fall to my knees
Clutching at the meager threads of my sanity