Why

Why
I still feel your lips
Pressed gently on my forehead
I told you not to do that
Unless you meant it
You stroked my hair and did it
again, and again, and again

Why
I still feel your grip in my hair
The words you said chase each other
'round my broken heart as I gasp for air
I just can't seem to smother
The embers you left burning
Deep inside of me

Why
I still feel the way your pulse
Pounded against my palm
After just such a simple kiss
I know you heard
The way I gasped when you touched me
Your delighted smile lit up my world

Why
I still feel the way you stroked my hair
So many beautiful things we could be
There's nothing holding us back except
This perfect image of family you want to see
How long will you let it choke you
Until you accept that it's only a dream

Why
I still feel this longing for you
Even though I know I shouldn't
I wish you would see the truth
The love you seek is not to be found
In the place you continue to look
I'm right here in front of you

Why can't you see me?

When I Say I Love You

Sometimes when I tell you I love you,

I don't' think you understand.

I fear all you hear is an overused,

devalued, automatic pleasantry.

I need you to know something.

What I mean when I say I love you,

Is that when I look at you

There's this feeling in my chest

Like a warm, furry balloon made of safety.

Every millisecond I spend looking at you,

I find more things that touch my soul

Like the way  your hair falls over your shoulders.

Did you know you bite your lip when  you're thinking?

The bigger this feeling gets the harder it is to breathe.

By the time the air is forced out of my lungs,

All my vocal chords can remember are those three words.

What I mean when I say I love you,

Is that when I think about you

Sometimes joy builds up inside me

Spilling from my eyes in salty rivers

I think about the thousand ways you show me

That, though you're not quite sure about it all,

You'll love me no matter what.

What I mean when  I say I love you,

Is that sometimes

The desire for your touch

Is so all consuming it blocks out everything else

Hunger, pain, exhaustion it doesn't matter what

When your skin touches mine

Even in the simplest caress

When you hold my cheek in your palm,

Or you boop me on the nose

All I know is bliss

When you run your finger over my bottom lip

You finally let me kiss you

When you kiss my shoulder when I hug you

There is fire in my veins

There is peace in my heart

All I know for sure in this crazy world

Is that I love you more every day

The Tiniest Truth

The tiniest of things

The ones that sound silly

Like you're looking to close

But we look to really See

The way you touch me

Nearly every time you walk by

You see things in me

Things I thought I was keeping hidden

Those are the things

That always tell the truth

The tiniest of expressions

A faint twinkle

Peeking from your eye

When you're hiding a grin

The way you smirk

When you get the double meanings

The look on your face

When you think I don't see

You looking at me

I know how good my joke was

By the different ways you smile

The tiniest acts

Checking in if I'm being quiet

Noticing when I'm truly not ok

And making me be vulnerable

Showing me it's safe

You say I love you

A thousand times a day
You might not ever use words

But I hear you

In the tiniest of things

Serenity

Jumbled

Scrabble tiles in a leather bag

My stomach churns my lunch to butter

Electric fires 

Scorching raw nerves

To many sensations

Neurons misfiring

Illogical emotions bleeding through

Seeping from my eyes

In saltwater waves

Brushed aside by a single fingertip

Every atom strains

Laser focused

Engines screaming 

Pumping clouds of steam

Into starry eyed skies

A second carress

Palm to cheek

Screeching breaks

Melting rubber 

Wafting into nostrils

Consciousness catapulted

Into the serenity of my submission

Infinity

Gods I hope you feel it too

This yawning cavity in my chest

Every thought 

All the air

A black hole of desire 

Your eyes shine galaxies into my soul

Lead me 

Down sparkling pathways 

Of cosmic dust

Once we were and sometimes will again

The body fights the mind

Leaden arms with aching hands

Waiting only for permission

You remember

I see the shadows

The ones that skate across your smile

The sweetest glimpse

Of past and promised future

I beg you

Tell me you feel it

And with you I'll dive headfirst

Into the great infinity

I Wish

I wish I could tell you

The things I dream about

Playing with your hair

Sitting on the couch

I wish I could tell you

The things I truly crave

Acting a fool to make you laugh

Your smile makes me feel brave

I wish I could tell you

How looking at you makes me feel

Not butterflies, atomic bombs

In my chest they're concealed

I wish I could tell you

That you make my head swim

When you speak my true name

My goofy heart fills to the brim

I wish I could tell you

I didn't plan for this

I tried to keep my distance

But talking with you is bliss

I wish I could tell you

You're the worst kind of theif

My heart you have stolen

Though our time has been breif

I wish I could tell you

You're my very dearest friend

Like artisan coffee

My own perfect blend

I wish I could tell you

You'll never be alone

No matter who I am to you

With you feels like home

Lay it out

I don't know

The words to tell you

What's in my heart

What's going on in my head

Well

Maybe that's a lie

Maybe I do know

Maybe the truth is that

I'm to scared to lay it all out

I don't know how to tell you

The last person who lit up my life

The way you do each time you smile

Who could make me tremble

The way you do

With even the most innocent touch

Who made my knees so weak

It took every ounce of will to stay upright

With nothing but a look

Well

She played the part well

But when she realized

That to me it was more than a game

She took every part of that secret place

Inside my head

Inside my heart

And she turned the soil with ash and salt

She took the fire that burned in me for her

And with it laid waste to my soul

It took a long time to put out the flames

And even longer to learn how to heal

To let free enough tears

To wash away the salt

The pain of the stinging wounds

Was nearly more than my spirit's might

But I got through it

I put up walls around this part of me

So high and so thick

Most never know it's there

But when that wall comes crashing away

And I'm able to take shelter in love

There's nearly nothing I wouldn't do

For the one who calls me Hers

Well

If we're being honest

I'd do anything for you.

I know you'd never cause me harm

I know you'd do everything you could

To keep me from being in pain

For you

Or at all

Which only makes me more willing

That's the most beautiful part

Besides your eyes that is

Although

Since I'm being honest

I'm not even sure what color they are

Because every time our eyes meet

My brain ceases all non vital function

Sometimes I even forget to breathe

And you don't see it

You don't see why

You've gone so long

Being everybody's rock

You don't know

How to let yourself be cared for

But you deserve it

Everything I can give you

And so so much more

Anything you want of me

Is yours

All you have you do is ask

I'll meet you at your comfort

Wherever the boundary lays

I hate getting my ears wet

A scar left of my childhood

But for you I'd dive to any depth

Or we can have a never ending

Splash fight

In the wading pool like grown up little kids

Show me the line in the sand

Lay it out in front of me

So I know where I stand

I don't dare to let myself hope

That I'll ever get a chance

To kiss your perfect lips

Or hold you in my arms all night

I'm terrified that if you read this

All our fun would end

I'm afraid you'd pull away from me

Thinking you were saving me pain

But I treasure every second

No matter how it spends

I truly feel it's safe to say

I'm the happiest I've ever been

No matter how much

I may long to be your lover

You'll never find a more loyal friend
I only aim to be respectful
So when it seems like I'm holding back
I'm waiting for you to show me the line

Boundaries

I wish I could make you understand

That what I feel is free

My love for you is true

But I know some things will never be

I'll do my best

And hold my ground

But I'll never cross that line

Platonic soulmates are sometimes found

So while I look at you with longing

I know just where I stand

As close as any lover

But I may not ever hold your hand

Sometimes this might hurt

But mostly I feel joy

For I know that no matter what

With my heart you'll never toy

For You

I dreamt of you

Long before we met

My past relationships,

I thought I'd found you

The one from my dreams

But they were not true

They were not you

And you are Her

I recognize your scent

My nose connects the memories

The dreams and the reality

The smell of peace and home

I remember the way Her hands

Felt on my skin

My heart beats faster

Each time you reach out

Is it my eagerness

Or your own fear that stops you?

I look at you, longing but fearful

I want so many things

To run my fingers through your hair

To feel the silkiness of your skin

I know what I'll find

But I'm afraid to try

If only you'd realize

I'm truly for You

Home

Home

The place where the stress

And trials of the day

Fall from your shoulders

When you've been searching

For your whole life

To find peace

To find home

The place where you leave

Your worries at the door

Walk into open arms

And loving hearts

Treading lightly

Not from fear

But from respect

Mutually held

For countless miles

My legs have carried me

But now I can rest

Safely at home